Dr. Steve Perry Sets the Record Straight

GothamCharterSchools has had the following revelation:

Stop saying poverty is more important than good teachers. You're wrong & you sound nuts. There's NO causal relationship.
Tweet from Dr. Steve Perry

That's good enough for us. We now know that poverty makes no difference whatsoever, and that the only factor that matters is the teacher. We've long suspected that the fact all failing schools contain high numbers of poverty-stricken students was irrelevant, and we're delighted to have Dr. Steve Perry confirm that for us.

The only solution, in our view, is to continue to turn over our public schools to people like Dr. Perry and Eva Moskowitz. Sure, there are naysayers who contend that they throw out high-needs kids, English language-learners, and the learning disabled, but we at GothamCharterSchools are results-oriented. The fact is Perry and Moskowitz have successful strategies, and how can anyone argue with that?

So we thank you, Dr. Steve Perry, for opening our eyes, and we hope you double your speaking fees and are richly rewarded for your penetrating insights.

Eva Moskowitz Is the Best

Here at Gotham Charter Schools, there's nothing we enjoy more than a good article like this one.  In this piece, Eva lets Bill de Blasio know that it's completely unfair that his kid had the choice to go to public schools, while denying the other kids the choice of charters. Here at GothamCharterSchools we think every kid should have the choice of a charter.

That's only one reason why we think Eva Moskowitz should be the next schools chancellor. We at GothamCharterSchools have every confidence that Eva can make all schools charter schools and that way every kid will have the choice to attend the charter school of his choice, if he gets in. Of course there are some kids who are not good fits for charter schools. These kids will get the choice of public schools. After all, they can't learn anyway, Let's face it, there's no way they're gonna help the stats of success academies.

So let's give every kid the choice of whatever charter school we choose for him, dump the leftovers in public schools that aren't closed yet, and move New York every closer to our goal of no child left behind. Unless they have special needs, don't behave well, or don't know English. After all, if we can't fix poverty, we certainly can't be bothered fixing its children either.

GothamCharterSchools Adds a New Voice

From time to time here at GothamCharterSchools, we like to give other points of view. Here's a piece by Iggy Wochuck, who has taught middle school in the Bronx for 25 years.

-Faith

I have one or two things I'd like to say about the "reform" movement. First of all, it's all a bunch of hooey. Also, the only thing they've got right about it is nothing. Most importantly, sfaslgjfoigjeioaiodsnvoiaengiqrejge'ijgi'ej'iej'ibjet'ijtjt4wkjg'. I really can't emphasize that enough.

When you get involved with dsajglkjgeirgjeigj, you're really only trying to do things that don't work at all. So what you're left with is a bunch of things that don't work.

I have a lot of firsthand experience with this. When I worked at dakgjfgjkhjthjti0h, the only thing I really saw was dagjlfgjthjthpjkeopjkyjuykjoputkjo[ukj[otukjoukjtuyojkojkytopjkopjk. And I was there for dsagjfljgtoijhitrjhitjhijtih. Some people may differ, but that's certainly long enough to dfdf dsfjdkgjgjsdkgjldkjgkdjgksajgsklsalgjfgjthjtrwohgjreiofow.

So in retrospect, I can only say dsagfjhfkljhf dklfhaslkgjfkljgfljg dkfghalgjfljgdflgje skjfdlkfjlkdjf, and there are dksjagfjgf dkfgjflgjflhjlhjrthj lfjdlkgjlgjfjg.

Anyone who wishes to dasgljfkhgk;jhkrjhtkjhgkhjgkjhjkh can simply skfjdlkjgfdlkjgflkjgjgfgj. There are a lot of dajgfkljgljg djaklfjlgjlgjlkgjlkgjl and these days almost anyone can find dslajgffkljg daslfgjaklfjg daklfjdlksjgflkdjfg dsalfjdslkjfs fairly easily.

Finally, I'd like to thank GothamCharterSchools for giving me the opportunity to express my point of view here. I know there are those who feel GothamCharterSchools is one-sided, but Faith Humperdink personally reached out to me. She is a woman of impeccable character, and I really appreciate her asking me to write this column.

Reformy John Unveils Bold New Initiative

Exclusive to GothamCharterSchools, NY State Schools Commissioner Reformy John King, in conjunction with the NY Department of Education, has released the formula for rating city teachers.

Since no one actually understands any of the math involved, and since none of this has ever been tested or proven valid anywhere, Reformy John, with an extensive background in charter schools, has decided to take a page from the charter book. In New York City, grades on standardized tests will continue to be recorded so that Governor Andrew Cuomo can issue the death penalty to schools he wishes to kill. However, for individual teachers, ratings will be determined by lottery, to wit, the new "Wheel of Unemployment."

Reformy John stated that emulation of charter schools is a first step toward the competition necessary to improve education in schools. The evaluations will be broadcast, and sales of commercial time will be used to refurbish spaces in public schools so that they will be suitable for charter school chains. Thus, American capitalists will finally have more opportunities to profit from the billions previously wasted on educating children. He spoke in glowing terms of the progress made in Chicago by Rahm Emanuel, and fondly reflected that one day we could blow up libraries here as well.

Mayor Bloomberg stated this was a step in the right direction. After the miserable scores in the Common Core exams, Bloomberg stated this only underlined his determination to accelerate the reforms he's been enacting for the last 12 years. If they haven't improved anything yet, said Bloomberg, the only course was to redouble our efforts. Bloomberg hoped this new method would help rid the system of overpaid veteran teachers, but grudgingly admitted that firing teachers at random was the next best thing.

To get the teacher perspective on this, GothamCharterSchools interviewed Harold Forthwith, three-year teaching veteran and leader of the bold new group Teachers 4 Whatever. "This is a great step," Harold told GothamCharterSchools. "I was unable to get tenure back when I was a teacher, and I was not simply satisfactory. I was excellent. It really pissed me off to see other teachers getting tenure when I didn't. I am better than those people, and that's why I now make more money than any of them. I can't wait to see them come crawling to Teachers 4 Whatever for jobs after the Wheel of Unemployment fires them. They can all go to hell."

GothamCharterSchools is thrilled at these new educational innovations. Count on us to bring you all breaking details just as soon as Reformy John King makes them up.