From the Gotham Charter School Mailbag

After we ran an innocent little piece encouraging teachers to take photos of their classes for Gotham Charter Schools, we received this message:

You need explicit permission to take photographs in a school building and any employee who does so without it runs risk of dismissal. Employees also need explicit permission from parents or guardians of any students if you are going to publish their photos.
In this climate, teachers whipping out their prohibited cell phones and sending photos to Gotham Charter Schools is not the best of ideas.

I never take photos in the building, only from the street, and I never take photos of students. When I did video projects with my kids last year I got written consent forms from every parent before sharing them with anyone. 

We certainly understand that teachers can get into trouble for taking photographs without permission from administration or releases for minor students. In fact, we received another email stating that a principal went crazy when a teacher procured a grant for his school. The principal observed him every day, placed multiple letters in his file, and is now trying to fire him.

But, dear readers, isn't that a good thing? The more ineffective teachers we can write about, fire, or whatever, the more charters we can open, and the more money we can get from Gates and Walmart to keep this great site going. Here's another letter:

Why do you always write about charter schools? Don't you know that 94% of city students go to public schools?

Here at Gotham Charter Schools, we write about all charter schools, not just the Moskowitz schools. But we love the Moskowitz schools! They are the best! But we take no position on them one way or the other. Our editorial policy is this---no matter how much money we get from Gates, or Walmart, or DFER, we cover charter schools wall to wall, even if they aren't run by Moskowitz.

Because that's just the kind of folks we are here at Gotham Charter Schools!

Should We Change Our Name?

Here at GothamCharterSchools we're in a quandary. Since our Rise and Shine is all about Moskowitz, and since every day we write multiple stories about the Moskowitz Charter Schools, should we change our name to MoskowitzCharterSchools? After all, we've covered not only planning the rally, thinking about the rally, and the rally itself, but we're also planning extensive post-rally coverage.

On the other hand, we've got extensive coverage of the UFT contract, Just the other day we did a story about what Shael Suransky and John King think should be in it. Now some publications would ask teachers what they want in a new contract, but here at GothamCharterSchools we don't mess around with such nonsense. We're all about reforminess, and the reformier the reforminess, the better. Personally, I simply adore the fragrance of fresh reforminess in the morning.

Naturally, we were thrilled when candidate Joe Lhota got out there and told the children they didn't have to go to school if they were out marching for reforminess. And if that loser de Blasio were talking reforminess, we'd cover him too. In any case, we didn't bother asking either one of them what they wanted in the UFT contract, because that would be just like asking the teachers. What on earth is the point of getting the opinions of the people who will actually negotiate it? Here at GothamCharterSchools, we don't bother about that.

We want to find out more about the Moskowitz Miracle. How does Moskowitz earn a half-mil each year when few city principals earn a third of that? How does she get by with suspending only 22% of the lucky kids who attend those schools? And honestly, why should we bother finding out what's happening to the overwhelming majority of city school children when we can be the one-stop Moskowitz shop?

Who wants to travel to moldy trailers when we can have finger sandwiches in renovated rooms? Who wants to be surrounded by the bootless and unhorsed when we can visit clean children in orange uniforms? After all, as the TV show says, orange is the new black and children may as well get used to it.

So let us know, what do you think?

Should we stay GothamCharterSchools or should we evolve into MoskowitzCharterSchools? We'll leave it in your hands, dear readers, and after you weigh in, we'll do whatever we feel like doing.

Dr. Steve Perry Sets the Record Straight

GothamCharterSchools has had the following revelation:

Stop saying poverty is more important than good teachers. You're wrong & you sound nuts. There's NO causal relationship.
Tweet from Dr. Steve Perry

That's good enough for us. We now know that poverty makes no difference whatsoever, and that the only factor that matters is the teacher. We've long suspected that the fact all failing schools contain high numbers of poverty-stricken students was irrelevant, and we're delighted to have Dr. Steve Perry confirm that for us.

The only solution, in our view, is to continue to turn over our public schools to people like Dr. Perry and Eva Moskowitz. Sure, there are naysayers who contend that they throw out high-needs kids, English language-learners, and the learning disabled, but we at GothamCharterSchools are results-oriented. The fact is Perry and Moskowitz have successful strategies, and how can anyone argue with that?

So we thank you, Dr. Steve Perry, for opening our eyes, and we hope you double your speaking fees and are richly rewarded for your penetrating insights.

Eva Moskowitz Is the Best

Here at Gotham Charter Schools, there's nothing we enjoy more than a good article like this one.  In this piece, Eva lets Bill de Blasio know that it's completely unfair that his kid had the choice to go to public schools, while denying the other kids the choice of charters. Here at GothamCharterSchools we think every kid should have the choice of a charter.

That's only one reason why we think Eva Moskowitz should be the next schools chancellor. We at GothamCharterSchools have every confidence that Eva can make all schools charter schools and that way every kid will have the choice to attend the charter school of his choice, if he gets in. Of course there are some kids who are not good fits for charter schools. These kids will get the choice of public schools. After all, they can't learn anyway, Let's face it, there's no way they're gonna help the stats of success academies.

So let's give every kid the choice of whatever charter school we choose for him, dump the leftovers in public schools that aren't closed yet, and move New York every closer to our goal of no child left behind. Unless they have special needs, don't behave well, or don't know English. After all, if we can't fix poverty, we certainly can't be bothered fixing its children either.

GothamCharterSchools Adds a New Voice

From time to time here at GothamCharterSchools, we like to give other points of view. Here's a piece by Iggy Wochuck, who has taught middle school in the Bronx for 25 years.

-Faith

I have one or two things I'd like to say about the "reform" movement. First of all, it's all a bunch of hooey. Also, the only thing they've got right about it is nothing. Most importantly, sfaslgjfoigjeioaiodsnvoiaengiqrejge'ijgi'ej'iej'ibjet'ijtjt4wkjg'. I really can't emphasize that enough.

When you get involved with dsajglkjgeirgjeigj, you're really only trying to do things that don't work at all. So what you're left with is a bunch of things that don't work.

I have a lot of firsthand experience with this. When I worked at dakgjfgjkhjthjti0h, the only thing I really saw was dagjlfgjthjthpjkeopjkyjuykjoputkjo[ukj[otukjoukjtuyojkojkytopjkopjk. And I was there for dsagjfljgtoijhitrjhitjhijtih. Some people may differ, but that's certainly long enough to dfdf dsfjdkgjgjsdkgjldkjgkdjgksajgsklsalgjfgjthjtrwohgjreiofow.

So in retrospect, I can only say dsagfjhfkljhf dklfhaslkgjfkljgfljg dkfghalgjfljgdflgje skjfdlkfjlkdjf, and there are dksjagfjgf dkfgjflgjflhjlhjrthj lfjdlkgjlgjfjg.

Anyone who wishes to dasgljfkhgk;jhkrjhtkjhgkhjgkjhjkh can simply skfjdlkjgfdlkjgflkjgjgfgj. There are a lot of dajgfkljgljg djaklfjlgjlgjlkgjlkgjl and these days almost anyone can find dslajgffkljg daslfgjaklfjg daklfjdlksjgflkdjfg dsalfjdslkjfs fairly easily.

Finally, I'd like to thank GothamCharterSchools for giving me the opportunity to express my point of view here. I know there are those who feel GothamCharterSchools is one-sided, but Faith Humperdink personally reached out to me. She is a woman of impeccable character, and I really appreciate her asking me to write this column.

Reformy John Unveils Bold New Initiative

Exclusive to GothamCharterSchools, NY State Schools Commissioner Reformy John King, in conjunction with the NY Department of Education, has released the formula for rating city teachers.

Since no one actually understands any of the math involved, and since none of this has ever been tested or proven valid anywhere, Reformy John, with an extensive background in charter schools, has decided to take a page from the charter book. In New York City, grades on standardized tests will continue to be recorded so that Governor Andrew Cuomo can issue the death penalty to schools he wishes to kill. However, for individual teachers, ratings will be determined by lottery, to wit, the new "Wheel of Unemployment."

Reformy John stated that emulation of charter schools is a first step toward the competition necessary to improve education in schools. The evaluations will be broadcast, and sales of commercial time will be used to refurbish spaces in public schools so that they will be suitable for charter school chains. Thus, American capitalists will finally have more opportunities to profit from the billions previously wasted on educating children. He spoke in glowing terms of the progress made in Chicago by Rahm Emanuel, and fondly reflected that one day we could blow up libraries here as well.

Mayor Bloomberg stated this was a step in the right direction. After the miserable scores in the Common Core exams, Bloomberg stated this only underlined his determination to accelerate the reforms he's been enacting for the last 12 years. If they haven't improved anything yet, said Bloomberg, the only course was to redouble our efforts. Bloomberg hoped this new method would help rid the system of overpaid veteran teachers, but grudgingly admitted that firing teachers at random was the next best thing.

To get the teacher perspective on this, GothamCharterSchools interviewed Harold Forthwith, three-year teaching veteran and leader of the bold new group Teachers 4 Whatever. "This is a great step," Harold told GothamCharterSchools. "I was unable to get tenure back when I was a teacher, and I was not simply satisfactory. I was excellent. It really pissed me off to see other teachers getting tenure when I didn't. I am better than those people, and that's why I now make more money than any of them. I can't wait to see them come crawling to Teachers 4 Whatever for jobs after the Wheel of Unemployment fires them. They can all go to hell."

GothamCharterSchools is thrilled at these new educational innovations. Count on us to bring you all breaking details just as soon as Reformy John King makes them up.

Nightcap

Teachers should love Educators 4 Excellence. (Gotham Schools)

Bill Gates says teacher pensions are a free lunch. (Fred Klonsky)

Joel Klein is a big success. (Gotham Schools)

Eva Moskowitz doesn't like Bill de Blasio. (Daily News)

DFER likes education reform. (Gotham Schools)

Hedge fund guys love education reform. (NY Times)

Gates Foundation Reforms the Guitar

In yet another unrivaled feat of brilliance, the Gates Foundation has revolutionized the entire music industry. Before, to play the guitar, a person had to use both hands. In the Gates model, he not only uses both hands, but also occupies his mouth. This way, music comes out of more places.

Under the old paradigm, a musician utilized only the hands, which is less than half of what a human can do. To add value, the engineers at the Gates Foundation innovated so that the mouth would also be involved. Gates has given a grant to preclude musicians from using old methods of playing guitar, which irritated Bill to no end as he could never learn.

The Gates Foundation plans to add pedals which are operated by individual toes, and find other ways for humans to manipulate the instrument until 100% of human capabilities are engaged.

"Music is in a crisis," said Gates. "Unless we improve it, we run the risk of falling behind other nations."

Gates attributed the failure to the musicians' union, and lamented all the hoops one had to go through to be a musician. "If a child can master Guitar Hero, why do we need regular guitars anyway?" Gates expects all guitars in the nation to be replaced by his model in the very near future. He suggested we need to fire the bottom 5-7% of musicians if we wish to become competitive in the global music marketplace.

New Teacher Group Forms

In a stunning development, a new teacher group, Educators4Whatever, formed today. We met the two teachers who run E4W, as they will be called. They are Becky Forthwith and Harold Withforth, and they have new proposals for the United Federation of Teachers.

"More work for less pay," said Harold. "That's the only way we will achieve Whatever we're looking for."

E4W was given a multi-million dollar grant by the Gates Foundation, but both Harold and Becky state that this will have no bearing whatsoever on their activism.

"We already supported more work for less pay," stated Becky.

"Whatever," replied Harold.

"This will not change our lives at all," said Becky.

"No, it won't," said Harold.

"Except we're quitting our teaching jobs," Becky pointed out.

"Well, if we have to show up and teach every day, we won't have time for Whatever. And Bill Gates strongly supports Whatever."

GothamCharterSchools is pleased to report that Educators4Whatever has a new petition supporting more work for less pay, and they say this is what teachers today want. In fact, this petition has an overwhelming 100 signatures, so we're fairly certain they are serious about this.

Educators4Whatever will be holding a big initiation party at the GothamCharterSchools office at 7 PM this evening, and will be offering free drinks to anyone who pledges to support Whatever. It is sure to be the party of the century. Teachers who are tired of actually working may ingratiate themselves to Becky and Harold, and if they're lucky they can also get jobs doing Whatever.

Be there or be square.

Rise and Shine

NY Post says charter schools are swell. (NY Post)

Educators4Excellence support value-added. (GothamSchools)

Daily News says charter schools are the best. (Daily News)

Educators4Excellence love merit pay. (GothamSchools)

Eva Moskowitz loves charter schools. (Eva Moskowitz Academy)

Arne Duncan also loves charter schools. (Washington Post)

Educators4Excellence wrote a paper. (GothamSchools)

There's a charter school named after Barack Obama (Barack Obama Charter School)

Amanda Ripley doesn't like Diane Ravitch (Amanda Ripley)

Educators4Excellence has drinks with Joel Klein. (GothamSchools)

Amanda Ripley likes charter schools. (Amanda Ripley)

Educators4Excellence love Won't Back Down (GothamSchools)