Gates Foundation Reforms the Guitar

In yet another unrivaled feat of brilliance, the Gates Foundation has revolutionized the entire music industry. Before, to play the guitar, a person had to use both hands. In the Gates model, he not only uses both hands, but also occupies his mouth. This way, music comes out of more places.

Under the old paradigm, a musician utilized only the hands, which is less than half of what a human can do. To add value, the engineers at the Gates Foundation innovated so that the mouth would also be involved. Gates has given a grant to preclude musicians from using old methods of playing guitar, which irritated Bill to no end as he could never learn.

The Gates Foundation plans to add pedals which are operated by individual toes, and find other ways for humans to manipulate the instrument until 100% of human capabilities are engaged.

"Music is in a crisis," said Gates. "Unless we improve it, we run the risk of falling behind other nations."

Gates attributed the failure to the musicians' union, and lamented all the hoops one had to go through to be a musician. "If a child can master Guitar Hero, why do we need regular guitars anyway?" Gates expects all guitars in the nation to be replaced by his model in the very near future. He suggested we need to fire the bottom 5-7% of musicians if we wish to become competitive in the global music marketplace.